We are a non-profit organization that uses equine-assisted therapy for children with chronic and life-threatening illnesses. In short, it is where humans and animals benefit from one another. We have created a safe and caring environment where children can experience the warmth and peace of bonding with animals, which has a positive effect in the healing process. Studies have shown that pet therapy can improve one's mental and physical health, shorten recovery time and decrease stress and incidents of depression in children and adults. Through interaction with animals, children are empowered to be care givers instead of care recipients. Our goal is to improve the lives of children with equine therapy in conjunction with their medical treatment.
We believe that animals, along with art and nature, have a lasting healing on the heart, body, and minds of all people. Families are welcome to share a lunch together in the Angel Garden, listen to music or just share quality time together on the farm.
Each child is paired up with a horse or pony best suited for their size and ability. In cases when a child does not wish to ride, they will have the opportunity to groom, feed or simply pet a horse, which can do a world of good for child and horse alike.
I was asked to write a poem to share with you today,
But when you speak of Angels just what words do you say?
We know they come from Heaven, yes… Heaven up above,
That Angels watch over us and share with us their love.
So this got me to thinking about a place I know,
It’s a place very full of Love a place where Angels go.
It’s a little piece of Heaven here where Angels come to meet.
The Angels come in various forms some even have four feet.
Other Angels walk upright they'’re known as volunteers.
Their labor is a labor of Love be it cleaning stalls or spreading cheer.
Dear friend this is such a special place pain is not allowed inside its gate.
It’s where the children come for peace of mind, here where Angels congregate.
No Sir…, pain is not allowed inside at least when the children are around.
It’'s a fact shown plainly upon their faces, not one ever bares a frown.
The children who visit are also special, I’'ll try to list a few.
Like Hunter, Kayla and Tristin, Gabe, Josh and sweet Serelle too.
Connor, Amber and Chyanna are no longer with us, the Lord has called them away.
Yet He left behind their precious memories and with us they'’ll always stay.
So drop on by for a visit then you too will truly know,
There’'s no place on earth more filled with Love than this place where Angel’s go!
Woody Woodruff | Sept 2004
Hi Everyone!
Hope 2012 is going well for everyone and all of our horsey friends are getting ready for a great show season! The Angel Crew is ready to get back to real work and start having our little ones come ride and brush them all! So many wonderful things are on the horizon for AHF this year. We have been chosen as the official charity of the First Annual Arabian Horse Celebration in Louisville, Kentucky in mid Sept. It is going to be an amazing horse show and event..celebrating the Arabian horse and all the great things they do! Please visit the Arabian Horse Celebrations website for more info (www.arabiancelebration.com). We will continue to add info as time progresses. Special thanks to Miss Kim Jarvis (committee chair) for all her hard work on making this all possible! Kim came out to AHF and met all the horses and ponies and learned more about the farm and our mission a few weeks back, she spoiled them all with treats! .
The Daffodil Arabian Horse Show Series in Washington State has also picked Angel Heart Farm as their charity for their 2012 shows. Many Thanks to Miss Diane McNett for all her great work and the whole club for picking us! They will be having some special classes and awards for lead liners and walk trotters (our specialty!)Best of luck to all the competitors!
We had some very special visitors at Angel Heart Farm a few weeks ago, The former Governor of Kentucky Brereton Jones and former first Lady Miss Libby and daughter Lucy Jones spent a few hours at the farm leaning more about the children that visit the farm and met the Angel Crew..The ponies were especially welcoming looking for treats in their pockets! We were honored to present the program to such fine people and exceptional horse owners. They recently lost one of their fine Thoroughbred stallions Indian Charlie to cancer that I had the pleasure to meet last year. I know that amazing horse is hanging out with our children that are in Heaven.
As we are gearing up for the 2012, we wanted to let folks know we are always looking for great volunteers to work with our beautiful kids and horses. All volunteers must be 18 years of age and have horse experience.
We are at farm seven days a week from 7am til 6pm nightly (later most nights!) so give us a call if you would like to help out!
Please keep in your prayers The Swandal Family of Nashville, Tennessee our Angel Sweet Savannah would have turned 12 years old on Feb 23rd. Savannah rode with AHF for almost five years, she was a very special young lady and is dearly missed!
A Special thanks to everyone that helps out Angel Heart Farm is so many ways, your love, time and support is greatly appreciated! We hope you like the new website by Miss Kari Hester, she is a very busy gal and her talent in making the site so special is greatly appreciated! As always thank you to Pattie, Matt and Carolyn Shively for hosting the program on their lovely farm!
With Grace and Gratitude
Tracy and the Angel Crew!
There is no secret so close as that between rider and horse.
— R.S. Surtees
The Arabian horse shared the tent of its Bedouin owner, shared the workload of its family, and at night, one might imagine its warm belly and gentle heart serving its human partners as both pillow and confidante. Centuries of selective breeding went into crafting a horse whose beauty is matched only by its empathy to the needs of others.
Today, under cancer warrior Tracy Kujawa’s broad tent of goodwill at Angel Heart Farm, in Lexington, Kentucky, Arabian horses continue to share their power to heal and help.
KHURYIA
A little over a decade ago, life threw Kujawa, a wardrobe stylist in the music industry, a curve ball. Actually it was a mean, fast, hard ball: As she was facing her mother’s imminent death from cancer, she learned of her own diagnosis.
"My parents were Michigan farmers. I have never seen two people work so hard but be so happy. They inspired me to do my best and follow my heart. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my mom was dying. I just couldn’t let my parents know about my illness."”
Instead, she sought out her Arabian mare, Khuryia, went inside her stall, and cried. Everything she could not say to her parents she said to her horse.
“
"Khuryia was my light. I was scared, but I knew I could -- and would -- beat it."”
Six months after losing her mother, her heart-broken father also died. And her cancer returned. "“Again, Khuryia helped me through it.”"
SHE HAD A DREAM
Turning to horses comes naturally to this 45 year-old horsewoman. Her father bought her first pony the day she was born, and she still recalls her first four-legged Christmas gift: an Arabian/Welsh crossbred, called Ponytown Cris.
"Under the tree was a pink halter and lead rope. I thought it was for my other pony."” Until, during morning barn chores before church, she found "“the prettiest pony in the world with a red bow around her neck. I screamed so loud I think I scared her!”"
Cris graduated her young rider from the 4-H ranks, and as Kujawa entered her early 20s and began working as a fashion stylist, she bought her first purebred Arabian, HL (Horseshoe Lake) Windolyn. "“Then I leased a mare named Khirby, and bred her to HL Park Avenue+++/, and that led to my mare, Khuryia.”"
Call it what you will: the subconscious culmination of a lifetime of horses or a divine inspiration. One night, as Kujawa was undergoing her
cancer treatment, she had a dream: "I was teaching bald-headed children to ride.”" She woke up and got to work.
ON ANGEL'S WINGS
Her initial research was as enlightening as her vision: "“I wanted to see if there were programs that served children with life-threatening illnesses. There was not a one in Tennessee or Kentucky. So, I thought, I will start one!
"Little did I know what was involved in starting a nonprofit. First, I called Children’s Vanderbilt (hospital) in Nashville, and Saint Jude’s in Memphis, to see if they thought such a program would benefit children. They thought it was a great idea.That’'s when I quit my business to start Angel Heart Farm. I had no idea how to start, what a board of directors did, or how I was supposed to pay for this idea, but after ten years, I think I am getting the hang of it!”"
In 2001, the program took its first steps towards making her dream reality. To date, Angel Heart Farm and its equine-assisted therapy program has served more than 150 children and families. "“We teach children to ride, groom and care for the horses and ponies. Some actually like to clean stalls! Our children have shown in A-rated Arabian shows, and locally in lead-line and walk-trot.”"
The AHF program also incorporates music and art. "“We'’ve written songs —from country to rap —and each equine angel has their own song!”" Kujawa grins. “ "I think we need to do a CD.” That’s not impossible for a woman who has kept her music industry connections". One of the children'’s favorite mounts, Rocky, was gifted by Grammy award-winning country music legend, Alan Jackson, and his family.
THE POWER OF ARABIANS
Kujawa unabashedly describes her equine angels’ as “six of the sweetest Arabians in the world (plus three Welsh ponies, a Shetland, and a Miniature). They are the most beautiful, kindest, and giving animals ever made.
"I think God gave the Arabian horse something extra. I have seen amazing things happen between our kids and horses. Khuryia, is very full of herself, but when I was sick, she took care of me, and with our kids, she is a loving caregiver. Her colt, Nash, named by one of our little girls who has since gone to heaven, has been around children since the day he was born.”" (Nash, joined by AHF stablemates Rocky and Cisco, can also be seen in the movie, “Pure Country 2: The Gift,” directed by Christopher Cain and released in 2010 starring (among others), the King of Country, George Strait.)
"“We also have an Arabian gelding, Chester’s Mahogany, who suffers from Cushing’s disease. When I tell children about his condition, and that he has to take medicine and eat special things to help him feel good, they build an even deeper bond with him. He's not fancy, but he tries hard to make each child happy. We took him to a show with one of our young riders in a Walk-Trot class, and he set that little head, and was as perfect as could be, and won the class! Natasha, his rider, had been diagnosed with a brain tumor (she is now in remission). She said Chester helped her through everything and, if he was a real boy, she would go on a date with him.”"
Kujawa smiles. "“When I tell people we have Arabians in our program they look at me and say, ‘Aren’t they high-spirited for therapy horses?’ I respond that they have the biggest hearts, and are the perfect horses, for Angel Heart Farm.”"
From the Horse’s Mouth
Young people and parents, as well as hospitals and officials that have worked with the farm, agree that good works and good horses go together here.
"When your child is diagnosed with cancer, you try to find what good can come out of such a horrible event. One of our biggest '‘goods'’ is Angel Heart Farm,"” says Amy Scherer, of Nolensville, Tennessee, whose son, Cameron, was four years old when he began chemotherapy treatments.
“"After one particularly bad round, my sweet son did not have the desire to get off the couch. I was desperate to motivate him to participate in life. That is when I called Angel Heart. We went two days later, and I realized immediately this place was a gift. When Cameron felt horrible, he still found energy to ride his favorite horse, Rocky. This time was also precious to me. I had a few hours’ respite from the hardest job of my life, and my son was happy and laughing. Cameron has learned to ride and care for a horse. He has won trophies. His favorite shoes are cowboy boots given to him at the farm. We have met other cancer families at the farm instead of a hospital room. Bottom line, we will forever be grateful to Angel Heart Farm.”"
Anderson B. Collier, III, MD, Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Monroe Carell Jr. Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, served on the AHF board of directors. "“I have been involved with the farm for several years. I am also a Pediatric Oncologistat Vanderbilt, where the majority of patients are treated. I can attest personally and professionally to the positive impact Angel Heart has for patients and families. It’s common for parents to tell me they are going to the farm after treatment at the hospital.”"
An AHF board member and, for four years, its medical advisor, Richard H. Ho, MD, MSCI, of the Pediatric Hematology/Oncology departments at Vanderbilt, has praised Angel Heart and its horses: “"Studies have shown that pet therapy can improve mental and physical health, shorten recovery time, and decrease stress and incidents of depression in children and adults."
“"Through interaction with animals, children are empowered to be caregivers instead of care recipients. The goal of Angel Heart has been to improve the lives of children with animalassisted therapy, in conjunction with physician-ordered treatment. Anecdotally, I can attest to its positive impact. Tracy and her volunteers have done a wonderful job creating a safe haven where children bond with horses and participate in their care, which projects a positive impact on their own healing and recuperation.”"
FROM DREAM TO DREAM FARM
In June 2010, the program moved from its original Nashville site to Lexington, Kentucky. "“There are three Children'’s Hospitals within an hour or less of Lexington, and three -- —UK Children'’s, Cincinnati Children'’s, and Kaiser -- in Louisville. I knew we could serve more children and families in need,"” she says.
Kujawa’s newest angels are the Matt and Carolyn Shively family, who have free-leased their Elk Hill Farm, to AHF. "“It is a dream farm,"” she says. “Perfect, black plank fencing, beautiful paddocks, and a barn that’s very special, too."
"“Lexington is amazing. There are horses on every corner, and the best veterinary clinics in the world. I have been with Rood and Riddle Equine Clinic for over ten years, and it is nice to have them minutes, instead of hours, away. And I’m still just three hours from my trainer, Ashton Kiesner.”"
As busy as compassion keeps her, Kujawa still makes time to improve as a rider. "“I have been blessed to have Ashton as my trainer for three years. She has given me so much confidence in the ring. Things she has taught me have enabled me to teach my kids better horsemanship.”"
AHF’s first goal in Lexington is to raise funds for a small, heated indoor arena so its children can ride yearround. "No rain or snow can keep our angels from doing their job. The indoor is our main need at the present time, but we also need financial contributions. I write a lot of grants!”"
AHF is working with Keeneland Race Track to present a Cowboy Ball at Keene Barn in Spring 2011. "The Ball will have a live and silent auction, dinner and spirits, and major country artists to perform so folks can dance the night away while helping a great program. One year, Barbara and Kix Brooks (of the country duo, Brooks & Dunn), and a bunch of great people bought us our tractor! Last year, the Mahan family donated a trip to Mexico that raised a lot of support. We always have great guitars, signed by country’s best artists. It will be interesting to see how racing fans like a cowboy-themed event.” "
Kujawa also has plans for a trail ride, at Shaker Village outside Lexington (where the U.S. World Equestrian Games Endurance team trained). "“It’s a great place to host an event!”"
Last but not least is the biggest dream of all: Purchasing the first "Angel House.”" Modeled after the Ronald McDonald House, it will offer out-of-state families a place to spend a night or weekend free of charge. "“Having an ill child is a huge expense. We want to have a place where they can stay, instead of paying for a hotel.”"
Angel Heart Farm does not charge families any fees for its programs and is a completely free service. “With so many bills our beautiful families incur, we strongly believe in keeping this service free, so we do not accept any donations from our families.”
IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY
“"I do not know one person that has not been touched by cancer,”" says Kujawa, noting that 46 children are diagnosed daily with the disease. Earlier this year, at the Middle Tennessee Arabian Horse Association Music City Show in Nashville, she had a long conversation with Christine Johnson from Iron Horse Farms in Georgia. "“I am so blessed to say she is starting the second Angel Heart Farm! She is going to do an amazing job. Christine is so talented and has such a big heart that I know AHF-2 will be a huge success.
"“One of my goals is an Angel Heart Farm in every state. The need is there. I am not going to say it is easy, but working with these amazing families has given me more than I can ever put into words.”"
ANGELS NEVER LEAVE
What words cannot express, an Arabian called Rolo Basko +//, a butterfly, and a girl named Amber, might. A grandson of the immortal *Bask++, the near-white gelding’'s career included multiple National and Regional wins, including Canadian Reserve National Champion Working Cow Horse, with Bobby Hart, Jr. He was donated to AHF by his 16 year-old owner, Eric Mrosko, who rode with the same show barn as Kujawa.
"Angel Heart Farm chose the Arabian horse as our primary breed for several reasons: their beauty, stamina and pure willingness to please. After years showing my Arabian mare, Khuryia, and battling cancer, I knew the power horses have to heal the body, mind and spirit. So, when trainer Brian Scoggins called and asked me if I would like to have Basko in my program, of course I said, ‘Yes!’ The Mrosko family felt Basko would have a wonderful life at the farm, and they knew his life’s work was yet to come.”"
They were right.
Eight year-old Amber came to Angel Heart Farm knowing cancer would inevitably claim her short life. On each trip to the farm, she wore a little jacket adorned with butterflies and, beneath her bald head, shone big, blue eyes filled with excitement, never despair.
Her dream was riding a white horse. "Amber picked Basko,"” Kujawa said. "She told me Basko looked like an angel, and when she climbed aboard, what I saw were two angels gracing the paddock.”"
On Amber’s last visit to the farm, too weak to ride, she went to Basko’s stall and gently hugged and kissed his soft white neck. She told him they would always be together and she would ride him in heaven.
A week later Amber died.
One afternoon, soon after losing Amber, Kujawa took Basko out for a hack: "“A yellow butterfly fluttered nearby throughout our ride."”
Over the following weeks, Basko had more butterfly visits and each time, Kujawa thought of Amber in her butterfly windbreaker. "“I told my
farrier and vet about each incident, and they said, since Basko’s job was to be an angel for special children, now he had an angel to watch over him.”"
At Angel Heart Farm, perhaps the secrets between an Arabian horse and its rider are so close neither disease, nor death, can tear them apart.
Since her first byline in the 1970s, L.A. Pomeroy has served the horse industry from FEI to 4-H, and oversaw news and publicity for the USET and 1996 Olympics. The AHP Awards finalist is contributing editor/internet radio show co-host for Holistic Horse Media, media liaison for the Intercollegiate Horse Show Association, and maintains a lively equine social media network on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
Rolo Basko +// was one of the most classic Arabian horses ever bred. His pedigree was a "who's who" of the Arabian world. A grandson of the immortal Arabian stallion Bask, Basko was destined to be a great show horse with an attitude to match. If you looked up all the titles and awards he has won over his show career, it would be pages and pages. Basko has multi National and Regional wins in several categories, including The Canadian Reserve National Champion Working Cow Horse with Bobby Hart, Jr.
Basko was donated to the Angel Heart Farm by his then-16-year-old owner Eric Mrosko. Eric was a typical teenager who got interested in football, cars and girls, while Basko just hung out on his family farm in Illinois. Eric came from the same show barn I show from. Eric and his family knew I was starting the Angel Heart Farm, and they were interested in helping out in some capacity. Little did I know what lay ahead.
Angel Heart Farm enables children with chronic and life-threatening illnesses to become care givers instead of care recipients. Angel Heart Farm chose the Arabian horse as our primary breed for several reasons: their beauty, stamina and pure willingness to please. After years of showing my own beautiful Arabian mare Khuryia and battling cancer, I knew the power that horses have to heal the body, mind and spirit. I created the program knowing God kept me here for a reason and put horses in my life, not only for my own joy, but to show others the positive effects they give.
One summer day in 2001, my trainer Brian Scoggins called and asked me if I would like to have Basko in the program. Of course, I said "yes" with tears in my eyes, knowing that the beautiful white gelding would be the model for Angel Heart Farm. The Mrosko family felt that Basko would have a wonderful life at the farm, and they knew his life's work was yet to come.
The day Basko arrived in Tennessee was very special. He came off the trailer looking more regal than ever. His white soft mane and flowing white tail were such visions.
There are many great stories to tell about Basko, but there is one that will always remain in my heart and mind.
Amber came to the Angel Heart Farm knowing that cancer was going to take her short life. She dreamed of riding a white horse. Each time eight-year-old Amber arrived at the farm, she had on a little jacket with butterflies on it, her bald head and big blue eyes always filled with excitement, never despair.
Amber picked Basko as her special mount. His soft brown eyes and long white tail fascinated her. She told me Basko looked like an angel, and when she climbed aboard this special horse, I really felt like there were two angels gracing the paddock.
With Amber on his back, Basko knew that he was carrying special cargo. His walk was a bit slower, but with each step they took together, Amber's smile grew larger and then bits of laughter came through.
The last time Amber came, she was too weak to ride, but she gently walked to Basko's stall and hugged and kissed his soft white neck. Amber told me that she and Basko would always be together and that she would ride him in heaven.
While riding Basko one early afternoon, a little yellow butterfly fluttered around us. It stayed throughout our ride.
A few weeks later, Basko was having his feet trimmed and another butterfly fluttered around him for a few minutes and flew away.
A few more weeks had passed. Basko was having his fall shots, and there were three little Monarch butterflies hovering around him. Each time these little butterflies came around, I thought of Amber with her little butterfly windbreaker jacket and those big blue eyes. I told my farrier and vet about each instance, and they both said Basko had an angel watching over him. Basko's job was to be an angel for those special children. Little did I realize that he would have his own beautiful Angel Amber watching over him.
Taking care of this sweet white gelding was one of the best jobs anyone could ask for. He was always willing and ready to give his heart to anyone. He was not only a wonderful show horse, but also a true gift from heaven.
In the book of Revelations in the Bible, God returns to Earth on a great white horse. I can't imagine Him riding any other horse other than our Angel Rolo Basko.
Sunrise: April 20, 1983. Sunset: September 12, 2006.
I am writing this letter in regards to Angel Heart Farm.
I found out about AHF in 2005 after my late son, Kainen Keitner, was diagnosed with stage four cancer.
Kainen was a patient undergoing treatment at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital when we saw an advertisement in the oncology department. Shortly thereafter, my wife and I asked the staff and doctors at VCH about Angel Heart Farm, and we received nothing but positive feedback from them. We quickly decided it would be a wonderful place to take our son, so that he could enjoy the outdoors and ride the beautiful horses we had seen in all the brochures.
When we arrived at Angel Heart Farm, Miss Tracy enthusiastically greeted us and made us feel right at home. Kainen was so excited about getting to tour the ranch and ride one of the horses there all by himself. For a brief time, he was able to put away all the pain from the radiation and chemotherapy treatments and just be a kid. It was a wonderful experience that I, nor my family, will ever forget.
Kainen went back to the farm several times over the next year, and each time he was treated like a king by Miss Tracy. There was a special horse named Cisco Pete that Kainen rode often, and he loved Cisco Pete like he was his very own. Kainen enjoyed riding this horse so much that not long after our first visit, I bought him a Shetland pony, which he admiringly named Cisco.
Because Kainan is now in heaven, my wife and I, along with his little sister, still have his pony at our home with reminders of the joy we saw in Kainen's eyes each time he visited Angel Heart Farm.
Writing as someone who has personally seen his child filled with overwhelming joy by Angel Heart Farm and Miss Tracy, they do the best job of putting smiles on the faces of children with life-threatening illnesses.
Your support of this program would be greatly appreciated by my family and countless others.
We met Tracy just in time.
Hannah had already completed her toughest part of her treatment, and her spirit had suffered dearly from it. Hannah's tumor had not grown in months, and she just had maintenance treatments to complete. But, to look at Hannah, you would have thought that her time was drawing near. She felt very little reason to get up in the morning. It killed my heart to think what a miracle it was that she beat an "unbeatable" monster, yet felt very little will to live.
Hannah had always loved horses, and she wanted to learn to ride. It just seemed like a natural step to start her in the Angel Heart program.
Hannah loves having the opportunity to ride and care for the horses. She has always believed that she posseses a super connection to animals, and she loves learning all she can about them.
It is wonderful how the program includes the rest of the family, as well. Hannah's little sister, Felicity, who usually feels left out, rides as the same time. So, they both share each other's excitement and experience.
The girls possess an inner-confidence given to them by the program, through the ability to care for something bigger than themselves. In Hannah, I see it in something as small as the imagination to play with her plastic toy horses, and in something as big as the desire to become a large animal doctor when she grows up!
My name is John Swandal, and in February of 2006, my then six-year-old daughter Savannah was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.
As you might imagine, Savannah and I went through many painful emotions during that year as she underwent extremely uncomfortable chemotherapy and radiation procedures, as well as facing the uncertainty of how, or even if, they would work to prevent her life-threatening illness.
However, we were blessed enough to find angels in the form of Tracy Kujawa and her horses at Angel Heart Farm.
When we met Tracy in April, 2006, at her farm in Nolensville, I honestly did not know what to expect in terms of how "riding a horse" could possibly help Savannah's impossible situation. I very quickly learned just how invaluable she and, especially her pony, Rocky, would be. The healing power of Tracy's caring, positive attitude and the horses' gentle natures could not have been replaced by any doctor, treatment, etc.
I had always loved being around horses, having grown up around them in my early childhood, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to see if Savannah shared that interest. She took to it immediately, and she wanted to spend as much time as she could out there.
The main thing I want to stress here is that Tracy's charitable work allows these sick kids, my daughter included, to feel a sense of normalcy and forget about the life or death fight they are in, if only for a little while. It also allows parents like me the chance to share precious moments with our children without the stress or worry about what tomorrow may bring.
On September 16, 2004, my two-year-old son Jay was diagnosed with brain cancer. It took at least three weeks for it to sink in. Just the word CANCER was surreal to me. My first thought was that someone had made a huge mistake. Cancer happened to older people, unhealthy people, other people...not to my child. During the whirlwind weeks that followed Jay's diagnosis, I was in shock and in complete denial. Never in my wildest dreams did I think something like this would happen to my family.
Based on the type of tumor and Jay's age, we chose St. Jude Children's Hospital for treatment. Jay and I (and the baby on the way) would have to move to Memphis for six months to a year.
Separating our family, leaving our home, our friends and our comfortable lifestyle was heart-wrenching. I remember feeling so alone. There was a hole in my heart, an emptiness in my soul, and I grieved for the life I once knew. The future that had seemed to be so bright, was now darkened with uncertainty.
It had been weeks since Jay’s surgery, and we were anxious to get the ball rolling with treatment. After checking into a hotel, we were bused over to the hospital for a tour of the facility and to meet our new treatment team. Reality slapped me in the face and sucker punched me in the gut as we walked the halls of St. Jude. There were children of all ages, many with exposed bald, scarred heads, others were wearing do-rags or baseball caps. The waiting rooms were filled with sick children in red wagons, riding tricycles, pushing walkers, in wheelchairs and attached to IV poles. Parents, Grandparents and siblings occupied the chairs and benches while waiting for their child’s next appointment. Many of them appeared tired, tattered and broken. My first impulse was to grab-up my family and run through the nearest door. I shouted out to God in my head, "Oh, God I don’t want to be one of these people! We don’t belong here! I will do anything to be 'normal' again!"
I am currently in the middle of reading "Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them" by John Ortberg. John tells a story about moving his family to a new city, and how his oldest daughter had a tough time adjusting to her new surroundings. She felt like an outsider. While sharing her feelings with her dad, she painted the perfect picture of vulnerability with one statement: "I feel like a little mouse that doesn’t have a hole." John goes on to describe the mouse as "a little creature scampering about in the midst of danger it cannot control, desperately trying to find a safe place to be welcomed into".
For so long after Jay’s diagnosis, I felt lost, vulnerable, and disconnected. In the blink of an eye, the security that I once had in my so called "normal" life was gone. Similar to the mouse, I was desperately trying to find my place. My hole. In my old life, I had lost my sense of belonging, and in my new life, I felt like a foreigner. I had vanished my own self to the island of misfits.
Last Spring, I had the pleasure of meeting Miss Tracy at another fund raiser where I was speaking. She invited us out to the farm and due to my children’s love for horses, we took her up on her offer. Every time we visit Angel Heart Farm, I am reminded of what a blessing it has been to our family. For my husband and I, it has become a sanctuary of solace and serenity...a small glimpse of heaven. Just for the day, we can enjoy being together as a family and leave our troubles behind. For my children, the farm has become a "safe place". Jay doesn’t have to worry about keeping up with others or curious questions about his hair or scars. Miss Tracy makes sure he knows that he is the best little cowboy this side of Tennessee. Kaitlyn loves every aspect of the farm. Not only does she love to ride, but she also enjoys the grooming, feeding and even cleaning stalls. My two year old Tanner loves the freedom he has to run around chasing the cats, petting the dogs and horses and he even gets to ride Cisco the disco king. At Angel Heart farm we have discovered that we are normal. Maybe not normal by society standards, but in our little world, we have found some normalcy.
In the book "Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them", the author sums it up by saying, "The yearning to attach and connect, to love and to be loved, is the fiercest longing of the soul. Our need for community with people who understand us is to the human spirit what food and air and water are to the human body" (John Ortberg). I thank God for fulfilling our longing our community by placing Miss Tracy and her horse angels in our lives. We have been surrounded and blessed beyond measure by people who love us and accept us for who we are. Yes, we have found our mouse hole, and we are normal again!
Just for fun, I have come up with a list of what "normal" looks like to us. Normal is:
Normal is finding the ultimate comfort, security and acceptance with the only one who cannot be shaken, who will never leave me or forsake me, and in whom I can trust completely.
*William "Baby Jay" Gaskins WON his battle with cancer as he skipped through he gates of Heaven on March 31st, 2006.
Thank you SO MUCH to the board of the Arabian Horse Celebration for choosing Angel Heart Farm to be the show's charity. We can't wait to attend this competition's very first show at beautiful Freedom Hall in Louisville, KY in September of 2012!!!
Angel Heart Farm is blessed to have Rood as Riddle Equine Hospital to take such great care of our 11 Angels. They are simply the best and have the most talented vets on staff! Special kudos to Dr. Scott Hopper, Dr. Julie Vargis, Dr. Bonnie Barr, Dr. Reed, Dr. Dryden and the entire staff that keeps our horses and ponies strong and healthy!
Thank you for the supplements that keep the Angel Crew's joints
safe and sound!
Many thanks to the Arabian Saddle Company for the beautiful saddles for our children and their favorite horses. The most comfortable saddles on the market!!!!
Thank you for donating the Equine Select pellet bedding! It keeps our stalls clean and fresh!
Thank you for the sports medicine boots and western saddle pads for the the Angel Crew! The saddle pads wear great and the spilt boots keep our horses safe and sound!
Thank you to Arability Advertising for our website design and maintenance!!!
Farm Equipment:
Mule, Gator ATV 4 x4-used or new!
Black Fence Paint
For the Kids:
Horse related books (all ages)
Children’s riding clothes (show clothes - ask for details)
Stuffed horse toys
Little kids cowboy hats
New/Used horse-shoes (for crafts)
Arts and crafts materials
Horse and Pony Wish List:
Five leather pony halters with name plates
Cob size leather halters with name plates
Colorful hunt riding pads-pony and horse size
12 navy or black Weaver Leather nylon lead ropes
5 navy pony winter stable blankets-sizes 48, 56 and
three 62’s
McCauley Bros. Rice Bran Oil
Hoof Oil Conditioner
Shampoo and Conditioner
Leather care cleaner
Fly spray
Pony size fly masks
Horse treats
Good grass hay –square bales (we can pick up!)
Horse Vacuum Cleaner (new or used)
Miscellaneous List:
Gift Certificates to KBC Horse Supplies
Home Depot Gift Cards
Wet Dry Vacuum for barn
Monetary Donations
* No horses or ponies needed! Thank you!!
There are no fees to ride with Angel Heart Farms. We rely on sponsors and your donations to support our kids.
Contact Info:
Tracy Kujawa, Executive Director
615-566-4976
Tkujawa_netzero.net
www.angelheartfarm.net
The mission of Angel Heart Farm is to provide a safe and
caring environment for children and their families facing
chronic and life threatening illnesses using equine-assisted therapy and improve their quality of life.
HAY! Are you great with horses and children? We are looking for fun, kind, and loving folks over the age of 18 that enjoy working with horses and children!!
We need assistance with:
Barn chores
Brushing the horses and ponies
Working with the kids and their families
Fundraising
Volunteer opportunities are a plenty! We would love to meet you and show you what we are all about! Please take a brochure and read about us!
Please contact:
P.O. Box 11652
Lexington, KY 40511
tkujawa_netzero.net
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